Alright well not too much difference over the last few days besides her movements becoming soo strong now! <3 Jaxson has really started to connect with her and says he is going to teach her all kinds of things. Its so cute, he is just talking well so its nice to know he wants to have a little sister as much we want to have a daughter.
I still worry about his transition once she is here but think that it will go okay. Tim will have 2 weeks off to help and my mom will be here alot. My sister says she will but well havent seen much of here as of late so I am not sure how that will go, also she really seems mad about this being a girl and still will not even talk about it.
Tim has come around and asks as soon as he gets home how she is doing <3 I am so glad he is finally getting excited about it! Its amazing to have both my boys love this as much as I do and what this little lady to be in our world of blue :)

15 Weeks

Well today has been an emotional day.. I felt amazing this morning my little lady has been moving and rolling all over! I had the biggest smile waking up at 6am! Too early! haha
Anyways as the day went on, my sister never called, her boyfriend got out of jail yesterday (it was a minor offense and he was at a shock incarceration center not like prison). Anyway.. she said she would call and never did :( So then I was talking to my bestie and was hoping him and the wife would be able to come up around the holidays and that I might just be having lil miss around then (last time they were here til the middle of Jan) But found out bc he is going back to tech school for retraining he more than likely wouldnt be home :( He missed Jaxson's birth bc of tech school too! Grrrr.. I hate the Air Force some times!
Then Jaxson spilled a whole water bottle full of gatorade all over the stinking carpet! :/ Then sadly there was another loss on my August group and we all took it very hard. It really shook me because I feel like I have over come so much already for lil miss to be healthy and its so scary that something could go so wrong right at the very end. I feel heart broken for this wonderful woman and wish I could do something to help. I cannot imagine how it must feel for her to have lost her precious baby boy....
So over all today stunk! I curled up on the couch with my bug for a while this afternoon and just thought about how much we have been through and how much our two amazing children mean to us. I cannot wait for our little lady to join our family and to watch her grow.
Hubby is coming around now about having a girl which makes things soo much easier, but my sister still says not to name her and that she is a boy. Which really stings bc I want a girl so badly and I just want everyone that knows (which isnt very many people) to be excited and share all of this with us.

14+5

Alrighty, well tomorrow is my next ultrasound.. I didnt get anxious before the last one at all, but this time I am going crazy.. Totally anxious and nervous... I had a dream last night that was so real that I woke up in tears, baby had no heartbeat :( I have been having these dreams for weeks now and it is really getting to me :/ Oh well. I believe all will be fine and we are going to see a nice healthy kicking little baby. Oh and hopefully a gender on that little baby! haha We are both starting to get anxious now about knowing what baby Cinny is. Its so fun to try to guess but we def could not go the whole time without knowing! No way! Anyways. Will update after my appt tomorrow with some pics :)

14+1

Having a little bit of a tough time, last night I broke down and just balled my eyes out bc I missed my precious angel bean.. I wished i was nearing the end like all of my amazing pp girls are. I am soo sooo beyond lucky to have Cinny growing strong in my tummy but it is so hard sometimes not to dwell on what could have been. I try to not do it often bc I would def be consumed by it, it is just my personality. But the closer i get to my dd for bean the harder it seems to be on me. Tim talks about it too and says that it is fine for me to have days of sadness and days of missing but it wasnt my fault. I did everything right and could not have helped it. In my head it feels like I should have done something, its a mom thing, I should always protect my children....
Anyways besides that I am just feeling depressed the last few days. I try to not complain or talk about it bc everything is so hard already but it is really getting to me. I think I might have to clue in the dr about it just to be sure we watch it together. I dont want it to over take me and ruin my last pregnancy.
Update on Bug: He is opening doors the past 2 days, also talking more and more by the day! I just love hearing his little voice! I cannot believe that a little over 3 years ago I was finding out that I was pregnant with him, my miracle baby! And now he is an amazing toddler and getting prepared to be a big brother! Who would have thought!
Hubby cleaned the playroom for the most part yesterday, so bug can finally go in there again! It was horrible with the corn starch! So that is nice he is happy to be able to play with his things again, we only had to throw out 2 toys that were filled with it and we just couldnt get cleaned!
Hoping to start buying some cloth diapers soon! Very excited to be trying that with this baby.
Write again soon <3

14 weeks tomorrow!!!

So kind of bad at updating daily, things just get so crazy and I am usually mobile which would take me hours to write a single post.. haha
Anyways, still having morning sickness! :/ 14 weeks tomorrow so hoping that sometime very soon this baby will give me a little break.
Uploaded all of my pregnancy pics to my fb today.. that took a bit! Thank goodness I took them off my phone bc it decided it didnt like my SD card and deleted everything on it! I was soo mad! Anyways I have an appt in 7 days to see Cinny again and just cannot wait. How likely is it that we can get a peek at the gender at 14+6? Does anyone know?
On the family front, Tim is working alot, as usual, Jaxson has wanted Daddy all the time. Which is starting to wear on me bc he wont even let me rock him at night these days...
Not much else today, just bored and tired of bed rest... Hopefully next Thursday will hold some good news and I can get off this darn couch! haha
Going to attach my 14w bump pic and a progression pic too :)

Sorry for the break

Sorry for the break in writing. Had a party we went to on the 3rd of July, it was fun but not how it usually is so it was weird. We had a good time though. Even though I sat the whole time ( well most of it ) I still felt awful the last few days. Anyways, not much else since. Still spotting alot. I wish that would stop so I dont have to worry quite as much about what is happening. I cannot wait til our next scan so that we can make sure that all is okay with baby. Plus we might be able to sneak a peak at the gender <3 We are very sure we want to know now but also sure that we do not want to tell anyone else (well besides the few groups I am in and maybe my mom bc she is dying to know). We are also keeping the names secret. We had someone steal Jaxson's original name and it really hurt our feelings at the time and these names mean so much to su that we def dont want someone to take them ;)
So 13 days til our scan. Then only a couple weeks from then til our Anniversary! Woot! Trying to pick where to go for dinner since its the only night out that we get every year. We have some amazing friends that want to take Jaxson for the evening for us.
Tonight we are going to have a family night and maybe watch a movie and just hang out for a bit. Things have been so stressful lately it will be nice to just cuddle my boys, feel Cinny popping away in there and watch a movie <3

12 weeks and 3 days with baby Cinny.

So not a whole lot to write about. I have been finding that sitting on the couch is giving me more moments of weakness. I find myself thinking of the what ifs more that I would on a normal day and how things are going to affect Jaxson. How is he going to take to baby? How is he going to do if things dont get better and I have to be hospitalized? How am I going to handle 2 kids under 3? Will I be able to potty train Jaxson before baby comes or even after? Oh the questions... I guess all of them will be answered with time but really I feel like time is the enemy right this second. However, I dont want that to be taken as I would trade all this for anything, because I would do this over and over for a healthy sibling for my little Bug. I think its just me getting the better of myself at this point.
Anyways, besides that I broke out of the house for a bit yesterday, just a car ride with my sister but it was well worth the fresh air and talk. I feel like sometimes we arent as close as we were say 6 months ago. I know both of us have had so much going on but its so hard bc she has always been my go to. Hopefully thing will get better as time moves on. She is going to take Bug today so that I can rest and she can have time with him, which is wonderful bc I wasnt sure how I would get through the day on my own with him... Which has never happened  
Off to the dr again today. I have had the appt booked for a couple weeks but am glad it was kept bc I am having some really bad lower left pains and its making me nervous... I hate how scared I am all the time about this baby. I just want all to be perfect and to have a healthy baby in January!
Oh a small side note on the nickname chosen, Cinnamon :) One of my best friends Jules found out she was pregnant in Grenada (spice island) and called here baby Nutmeg (we mc'd at the same time) so the following month when I found out I had been craving Cinnamon and we decided to have spice babies :) So Cinny is now our little nickname for baby.