14+1

Having a little bit of a tough time, last night I broke down and just balled my eyes out bc I missed my precious angel bean.. I wished i was nearing the end like all of my amazing pp girls are. I am soo sooo beyond lucky to have Cinny growing strong in my tummy but it is so hard sometimes not to dwell on what could have been. I try to not do it often bc I would def be consumed by it, it is just my personality. But the closer i get to my dd for bean the harder it seems to be on me. Tim talks about it too and says that it is fine for me to have days of sadness and days of missing but it wasnt my fault. I did everything right and could not have helped it. In my head it feels like I should have done something, its a mom thing, I should always protect my children....
Anyways besides that I am just feeling depressed the last few days. I try to not complain or talk about it bc everything is so hard already but it is really getting to me. I think I might have to clue in the dr about it just to be sure we watch it together. I dont want it to over take me and ruin my last pregnancy.
Update on Bug: He is opening doors the past 2 days, also talking more and more by the day! I just love hearing his little voice! I cannot believe that a little over 3 years ago I was finding out that I was pregnant with him, my miracle baby! And now he is an amazing toddler and getting prepared to be a big brother! Who would have thought!
Hubby cleaned the playroom for the most part yesterday, so bug can finally go in there again! It was horrible with the corn starch! So that is nice he is happy to be able to play with his things again, we only had to throw out 2 toys that were filled with it and we just couldnt get cleaned!
Hoping to start buying some cloth diapers soon! Very excited to be trying that with this baby.
Write again soon <3