12 weeks and 3 days with baby Cinny.

So not a whole lot to write about. I have been finding that sitting on the couch is giving me more moments of weakness. I find myself thinking of the what ifs more that I would on a normal day and how things are going to affect Jaxson. How is he going to take to baby? How is he going to do if things dont get better and I have to be hospitalized? How am I going to handle 2 kids under 3? Will I be able to potty train Jaxson before baby comes or even after? Oh the questions... I guess all of them will be answered with time but really I feel like time is the enemy right this second. However, I dont want that to be taken as I would trade all this for anything, because I would do this over and over for a healthy sibling for my little Bug. I think its just me getting the better of myself at this point.
Anyways, besides that I broke out of the house for a bit yesterday, just a car ride with my sister but it was well worth the fresh air and talk. I feel like sometimes we arent as close as we were say 6 months ago. I know both of us have had so much going on but its so hard bc she has always been my go to. Hopefully thing will get better as time moves on. She is going to take Bug today so that I can rest and she can have time with him, which is wonderful bc I wasnt sure how I would get through the day on my own with him... Which has never happened  
Off to the dr again today. I have had the appt booked for a couple weeks but am glad it was kept bc I am having some really bad lower left pains and its making me nervous... I hate how scared I am all the time about this baby. I just want all to be perfect and to have a healthy baby in January!
Oh a small side note on the nickname chosen, Cinnamon :) One of my best friends Jules found out she was pregnant in Grenada (spice island) and called here baby Nutmeg (we mc'd at the same time) so the following month when I found out I had been craving Cinnamon and we decided to have spice babies :) So Cinny is now our little nickname for baby.